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January 7, 2009

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Editors’ note: These are real bitches, sent in by real readers, about gay life's little annoyances, and the big ones, too.

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Letter to the Editor

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Bitch session!
You think I'm a slut. I think you're a prude. Who's having more fun?

JAN. 13, 2006
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If you call someone every day for a month and they never answer, maybe it's time to stop calling.

Why do people routinely trash anyone with education, money or, heaven forbid, both? Anyone who was half as vitriolic toward people with beautiful faces or gym bodies would be declared a heretic. It's high time we asked ourselves why.

We need to protest Victoria's Secret for never having large sizes. Don't they realize that we trannies would immediately improve their bottom line if they were to sell 1X, 2X and 3X sizes?

For the last time: Having my shirt off in the club is not an invitation for you to touch me. If I tell you twice to stop it in a nice way, don't complain if my third time makes you cry.

When are you queens going to realize that in politics, we have no friends! It's every man, woman and somewhere-in-between for itself! Following the right-wing blindly is stupid, but to hitch our star to self-serving bleeding heart hypocrites isn't very smart, either.

I'm sick and tired of cutesy bar photographs where everybody's happy and getting along. Why don't you show it like it really is: like a pit of vipers.

Being a queen bee at the clubs is meaningless in the workplace. Your coworkers might actually respect you if you knocked off the name-dropping and stopped acting like a prima donna.

I don't need to be told how to act in public around your friends. I've always been pretty good with small children.

Don't try to tell me that baldness is a sign of masculinity. In the animal kingdom, the alpha male is the lion with the thickest mane!

You are so obsessed with other people's titles, income and status. Why don't you try accomplishing something on your own?

There are three types of gay people in bars: sheep, wolves and hyenas. The sheep are passive and the best ones are picked up by the wolves early on. The hyenas stick around and try to pick up the leftover sheep when all the wolves have left.

Being gay and Catholic is hard enough without watching you queens fight over who gets to do what during the service. Take it back to street where it belongs.

What's up with guys pissed off at poz guys on disability? Do you really believe the myth that AIDS is cured? Those healthy hot guys in the drug ads aren't real!

I've been out for 57 years and gone to gay bars all over the country, and I have yet to pay a cover. Anybody who pays a cover is stupid because the bars are all clones anyway.

Too many gays throw out all spirituality and end up filling the hole in their soul with meaningless sex and drugs. Tina, anyone? If you really want to piss them off, how about being happy and believing in what you want?

Sometimes I don't go to bars looking for casual conservation. I only want action with hot men or maybe a date. So I only acknowledge the existence of strangers who I want to be with, rather than allow someone I'm not interested in to manipulate my time. That only makes guys I really want think I'm taken!

I have great respect for straight women who use a strap-on; after all, every time a straight man bottoms, a gay angel gets his wings!







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